Demons

I've been having great difficulty lately exorcising my demons. It has been said, that a life unexamined, is no life at all. It seems that, since the accident that left me a partial quadriplegic in September of 2006; all I have been doing is examining. Weighing and balancing the endless piles of rubbish that have been my life for the last 64 years. It is very difficult to stay focused on the good things in life, when every day throws challenges at me, and the parking lots are filled with speed bumps.

One day in Omaha Nebraska A man named Herman Becker, whom I had asked what he thought he saw when he looked at me, said, "you have the eyes of of visionary or a madman. In any event it will be your choice." Of course, I would choose the path of a visionary, and have tried to do that throughout my life, but instead life has driven me over and over again into the role of the madman.

Rather than becoming the change, I flew in the face of conventional wisdom, never realizing that a number of people that were put in my path, were put there so that I could lead a full and enriched life instead of one of chaos. Yet, looking back, I can now see that in every case I chose the path of destruction. Now, because I had been thrown into this wheelchair, I have nowhere left to go to hide from my demons.

I always thought that when people are under tremendous duress, that they could turn to their faith to get them through the tough spots. I always gave great lip service to that idea when I was completely able-bodied. Isn't it so easy to do that? We all along, many times blithely ignoring important lessons, or skirting around unpleasant situations so we don't have to feel the pain involved at the time. All of that can work out, I think, if you live your life with your head stuck up your bum. The problem is, then along comes one of the big event in life, and you get bitten in the ass for your lack of attention earlier.

I think it goes back to that old saw, "too soon old, too late wise."