Sunday, November 28, 2010

Waking up dead

Night terrors. I woke up in the middle of the night and wept uncontrollably. It was a dream, (nightmare) that I had that had caused the weeping. I dreamed that I had gotten the news from my family Dr. that I had small cell lung cancer. Not so much because I had to cancer, but because of my supreme unhappiness for having to break the news to my loved ones. I was so devastated, because I thought it was real. I would only be able to seeing my daughter and my new granddaughter. Once before I die. My loving wife, Heather, would then have to watch me die by the inches from the devastating disease. I wept for their unhappiness, not mine.

The incident, reminded me of how I felt when waking up in the hospital, in the middle of the night after my accident in September of 2006. It was in the wee hours of the morning that my eyes popped open. There was faint light in the ward I was on from the door being open to the hallway. I was scared out of my wits by the thought that I could die in this bed, and if I were dying, I would not be able to summon anyone to help me. I wouldn't be able to even call someone to contact my wife or my daughter.

You see, my beautiful singing voice, that had been my glory for 50 years, had been reduced to a whisper. The voice that I had been able to project hundreds of feet away, even when I was speaking or singing softly, was now gone. That incident affect did me so profoundly, that ever since it happened, I have had a fear of going to sleep. Afraid that if I went to sleep, I would never wake up again. I would never get a chance to tell those that I love so dearly in this world, that I love them, and would miss them forever.


  1. HI Wayne
    I'm sorry you still have that fear of dying in your sleep. At least you can be sure of one thing, and that is that you tell all of us every day that you love us. No one will feel that you didn't care or wonder if you had anything left to say. You are very articulate and we love you back. Good post.

  2. Hi Wayne,
    I am saddened to read of your night terrors. Yet, for what it's worth, my friend, you have articulated and verbalised your feelings.
    Heather's wise words ring true. Those that love you would know, no matter what, that you loved them. You have proven this in your remarkable life.
    Your beautiful singing voice is not a whisper. It sings with heart and conviction, through the words you have written.

  3. Hi Wayne;
    Just wanted to let you know that I have passed on the Stylish Blogger Award to you on my site. I enjoy your writing so far and want to encourage you to continue. See you there.